At this point in life, one must be terrified to have a different opinion about controversial issues. I even contemplated shutting down my blog site all together just because I know my opinions are usually not typical, and who wants to deal with losing their entire life just because what they believe isn’t in line with the masses? Or, is it that some of the more unpopular opinions are in line with the masses, but the masses are too afraid to speak their mind? Well, such is the case it seems when it comes to domestic violence.
It appears to me that if a woman strikes a man, it’s not only ok, but it’s glorified and humored. Now, I dare not say that a man should hit a woman under any circumstance, but I do dare to say that a women should not hit a man under any circumstance either. It’s not funny or cute if a woman strikes a man, and if men are expected to restrain, then women should be expected to restrain as well.
When “shit went down on the elevator” in the case of the Knowles family, not only was Solange not reprimanded for her attack on Jay Z, but she was praised, jokingly being called “gangster” as if her violent rage makes her cool. Also, in recent events on the popular VH1 show Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, during their 3 part reunion show, there were many violent attacks from a few characters that did not surprise anyone. But, to me, the most surprising act of violence came from the “humorous” reenactment of Karlie Redd’s attack on Youg Jock.
When asked about their relationship, Youg Jock said that he stopped dealing with his used to be girlfriend Karlie Redd because she became physically abusive. People in the audience, as well as some cast members on stage, laughed at his statement almost immediately. He continued to reenact the events in which he claimed Karlie Redd fractured his finger. While he was describing the events, she proudly stated multiple times with a huge smile on her face, “That’s right, I did it”. Now, if we reverse this situation, and imagine Karlie Redd telling a story of how Youg Jock fractured her finger while he bragged about it with a huge smile on his face, we certainly would not have had a room full of laughter.
In the case of the Ray Rice situation in which he knocked his then fiancé (now wife) out on the elevator, I must say, I watched the video, and yes, it is hardcore. But, before I continue, I want to preface what I am about to say with, no, I do not want to encourage men to knock their women unconscious, or “Chris Brown a bitch” as some might say, by way of the claim of self defense. What I do want to encourage is for women to stop calling a man’s bluff by taking advantage of the fact that they think they can do whatever they want both physically and mentally to a man without being held accountable, or without the consideration that he might have a breaking point and could possibly kill you. Not many people will stick their head inside of an alligator without considering the fact that it might be chopped off, so basically ladies, think before you strike.
Before they entered the elevator, the video shows Ray Rice’s fiancé slapping him in the face. Then, once inside the elevator you see her hit him again in what looks like is about to be another Solange attack. But unfortunately for her, everybody is not going to react the way Jay Z reacted to his sister-in-law’s attack. Again, I must point out that not only was Solange praised and not held accountable for her attack, but Jay Z was made fun of, instead of praised, for his restraint. Even in the case of Chris Brown and Rihanna (even though we did not have video of the attack) Rihanna admitted that she was hitting Chris prior to his attacking her, but that was overlooked and Chris Brown to this day is villianized, while Rihanna is 100% victimized with no public pressure to have any accountablity for her actions. If celebrities or people who have lived these situations really want to help discourage domestic violence, then we have to allow accountability on both parts. It is not blaming the victim by pointing out the fact that she to committed a violent act against him. Especially when she is first to strike. It is only blaming the victim if a woman is beaten because of something like not having her husband’s dinner ready on time, and we say to her that she should have not been late with his dinner. However, if a man walks in the door and his wife hits him in the head with a dinner plate, shouldn’t we acknowledge that she did something wrong?
Again, I am not saying that these women deserve what they got. I absolutely do not believe that, and I acknowledge that these cases of retaliation are extreame. But, I also do not believe in taking advantage of the unwritten “men should never hit women” rule that is there to protect us women as the less dominant being. Overall, I feel that it is wrong for anyone to hit anyone in general.
In light of being released from the Ravens, several celebrities spoke out in favor of Ray Rice including living legend, comedian Woopie Goldberg, and NBA basketball star Paul George. Of course, no sooner than Paul George spoke his mind via twitter, the comments were removed and replaced by an apology. However, I not only understand where Paul George was coming from with his opinion of the Rice situation, but I also understand where he was coming from with his apology. I do not think that his apology back tracks on what he initially said, and I also do not think that his initial statement marginalized domestic violence on a whole. I believe that there is sincerity in his apology statement because I think he was basically just trying to say what many people want to say, but are too afraid; and that is, he feel both ways. Men should not hit women, and women should not hit men. That’s real equality.
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